Irenic Thoughts

Irenic. The word means peaceful. This web log (or blog) exists to create an ongoing, and hopefully peaceful, series of comments on the life of King of Peace Episcopal Church. This is not a closed community. You are highly encouraged to comment on any post or to send your own posts.

11/25/2008

Breaking the Silence

Today is the United Nations International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women. Here in America, the Justice Department tracks more than half a million reported cases of domestic abuse and we know that the actual number of incidents is much higher than those reported. The U.N. Secretary General, Ban Ki-Moon writes,
Violence against women and girls continues unabated in every continent, country and culture. It takes a devastating toll on women's lives, on their families, and on society as a whole. Most societies prohibit such violence—yet the reality is that too often, it is covered up or tacitly condoned.
Local resource
Here in Camden County Georgia, we have the excellent resource of Camden House, which provides support by phone as well as a shelter. King of Peace has, for all of our eight years, partnered with Camden House in helping women in the shelter move back out into the community when they are ready and able. They can be reached locally at 673-7770.

Nationwide Resources
The National Clearinghouse for the Defense of Battered Women puts those who need legal aid in contact with local resources—800-903-0111, ext. 3

The Resource Center on Child Custody and Child Protection can assist with that part of the process—800-527-3223

The National Clearinghouse on Marital and Date Rape—510-524-1582

A Prayer for Domestic Abuse
Gracious God, like a mother hen you shelter us inder your wings. Bring your truth and love into homes where domestic violence has shattered the peace. Provide sustenance for the victims and accountability for the abusers. Send wise and courageous friends who can offer alternatives, and bring your healing power into broken relationships. May your church provide a haven of safety and peace for the abused and reach out to support all who serve the needs of the abused in our communities; through Jesus Christ, our Lord. Amen.
—from the book Breaking the Silence

10 Comments:

  • At 11/25/2008 10:15 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Growing up in a "old" world community where even using foul languge in front of women and girls got you a firm smack or a good reprimand. Its a hard pill for me to swallow to look at the numbers. Back home when I was a kid the good men folk grouped up and would fix the situation by any means. I am not condoning that brand of accountability for the abusers to combat abuse with abuse only breeds future abuse. In these times not even our legal statues prevent, or even stop domestic violence. At times when I lived in California I wondered if the state actually protected the wrong people! My anger gets the better of me when I talk about it, and this may not be Godly, but I take from my daddy who a number of times in his life he had to kick in doors and "take out the trash" so to say. If We let it slide, if we do nothing, then we might as well be beating on these women and girls ourselves. And this goes for anybody who is being abused right now or has been in the past and not healed properly. "If you say nothing, if you stay, if you cannot break the silence because of fear, then you might as well be throwing yourself down the stairs." Where the law will fail, and your own convictions fail, God will not fail you cannot do it on your own you know where to go. For the closet case women beaters, well you better hope Jesus stays your fists and your words before somebody like me finds out. Peace

     
  • At 11/25/2008 11:07 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    "If you say nothing, if you stay, if you cannot break the silence because of fear, then you might as well be throwing yourself down the stairs."

    Valiance, where did you get this quote? Whoever said it is blaming the victim and does not know the real fear in an abusive situation. The law only potects the victim to a certain extent. If you think about it, laws and restraining orders are only activated when they are broken; by then it can be too late for the victim.

    You are correct in saying that our legal system does little to prevent domestic violence. That's where the fear comes from and why a victim would be reluctant to leave.

     
  • At 11/25/2008 2:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    No I understand what your saying, but as one who has tried so hard to reach the people I knew who were victims and they chose to do nothing. Or the oppurtunities to break free and they chose not to take them based out of fear. What I said is merely my exasperation of that issue, it makes me hurt bad to see anybody lie to themselves and except the abuse, torment, even when people try so hard to help them. Its even worse when people know about it and do nothing. Harsh as it may sound,to me not doing anything to prevent, stop or remove the situation is just as bad as being the one doing the punching or being the punching bag. I apologize if it offends, but I have beaten up myself for years by being a Silent witness, because of said victim convincing me not to talk. So now they are wheel chair bound, and their children are wards of the state. But I apologize if the statement sounds harsh I am only human.

     
  • At 11/25/2008 2:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Valiance,

    You are not offensive or harsh at all! You are right; more people need to take a stand. But, don't beat yourself up in guilt either. Even if you did say something, unless the victim filed charges, there was nothing you could do.

    The laws do need to be changed to where they are more protective of the victims of abuse and domestic violence. The abusers tend not to get punished unless it is already too late for the victims.

    I am sorry for your friend and her family! Many prayers and blessings for them and you!

     
  • At 11/25/2008 7:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Marital rape, there is such a thing?

     
  • At 11/25/2008 7:36 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Yes there is. You need to report it.

     
  • At 11/30/2008 1:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Oh, and that can be reported along with everything. So he may be even more upset with his wife.

    OK that works!

    You have no idea, you don't know about life in a home like this.

     
  • At 12/01/2008 5:41 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Maybe I do have an idea. I do know for sure that it will never stop unless the victim reports it and gets help.

    Don't accuse someone of having no idea of what it is like. I could be the one that got out.

     
  • At 12/01/2008 8:41 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    My hope is that you did, for I can't.

     
  • At 12/02/2008 8:26 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Can't or won't? That is the question that I asked myself one morning at work. I had bruises on my face and a broken wrist and I couldn't stand one more pitiful look from another person. That was me. Pitiful. Nobody had any respect for me because I was always saying I can't. There were so many ways out offered me and I rejected them saying I can't.
    Can't was me saying won't. Won't out of fear and self pity. It was my prison that I helped create because it was easier to stay and feel pitiful with no self respect than to get out.That morning I finally saw me how everyone else did. I had no self respect. If that was true how could my kids ever respect me. How could I ever have respect from anybody? How could my kids ever learn self respect and have self esteem if they never learned it from home. Obviousely they would never learn that from a dad who hit their mom. And it was a mom with no dignity that was there example.What if he killed me? Did I want to be pitied for eternity? Where would that leave my kids? They needed me to show them the way. So we left.And it was not easy. It was a long hard struggle. It was years of scraping just to get by. But it was all worth it. My ex husband got the help he needed just so he could have visitation with his kids. I learned that I could survive and take care of myself and my kids.They now have a mom with dignity and self respect. That is a greatest gift that I could give them. Now that they have grown I see couragous young adults that treat others with respect and dignity. They have self respect and know how to work hard and never give up. And the best is they know how to love without fear.Remember that there is always a way. It is hard work but it is worth everything.

     

Post a Comment

<< Home