Silence No Option

The Rev. Anne Weatherholt is on a campaign to help churches "Always assume there are people in the pews that have experienced or are now experiencing abuse." She tells of meeting up with a bride she had married soon after she was ordained. When they met up again in the grocery store, it was a year after the wedding.

The shock came one year later when she met the bride in a grocery store and learned that the couple already had divorced. The young woman described how she had been beaten after the marriage, and said that her ex-husband often hit his dog before their marriage.

"It was a real turning point for me," said Weatherholt. "I had come out of seminary with a high belief in the sacraments; I had come from a good family background in which my parents loved one another and I hardly knew of any bad relationships.

"I thought, 'People will be truthful when we talk to them,'" she said, describing the pre-marital counseling sessions clergy conduct. "It was a sobering moment in a lot of ways when you learn that couples may not necessarily be truthful because they want you to be convinced of their desire to be married."

She goes on to explain,

Many violent relationships begin with quick, intense, seductive courtships, explained Weatherholt. "But once set in motion, abuse, which begins with intimidation, threats and attempts to control, will occur more frequently as the abuser becomes more demanding." Abusers will continue to intimidate the victim, and in violent relationships communication breaks down, tensions erupt and battering often occurs, she said.

"When they try to exit, victims are often beaten down, images are destroyed, and abusers are taught to blame themselves," she said. "Many times I see them like people coming out of a war, shell-shocked."

Weatherholdt advocates for the church being the one to bring up this issue, to talk about it with youth groups and help break the cycle of violence which grips generations of families.

How might we bring this up with children, particularly teens, as they begin dating? Abusive relationships are not God's will, and yet we remain silent. How can we be a voice for breaking the cycle of violence?